Mother, daughter relationships

                There are many facets to mother/daughter relationships.  It's especially interesting after they grow up and leave home--then come back for one reason or another.  My 26 year old daughter who was married a little over a year ago, was home for a month this summer.  I thoroughly enjoyed having her.  We're great friends and I don't see her enough as she lives in Texas.  However, we did have one "incident."  She was very willing to help because she realized that she wasn't entirely on vacation as she was staying so long.  She even spent a little time helping out with grandma who lives about 50 miles away (I'll just say it was a huge help because grandma's not a very easy person to be with).  One morning her dad asked her if she could help weed the backyard.  She came out and helped for maybe 30 minutes. She then told me that she didn't have shoes for weeding and she didn't want to get her only workout shoes dirty.  I replied with information as to where she could find a pair of shoes to garden in.  She went into the house--never to return.  When I finished my jobs and went in, I mentioned her disappearance to her.  When her dad came in, he did the same.  Of course, she was defensive.  "I helped for 30 minutes, isn't that good enough?" Her dad replied, "When I ask for help, I want help until the job is done, that's what I've tried to teach my kids."  "I didn't have the right shoes."  "Mom told you where you could get some."  "I didn't want my socks dirtied either."  Her voice levels were escalating.  "It's always been like this here.  What I do is NEVER GOOD ENOUGH!"  It was like that when I was a teenager and it's never changed.  Can't you thank me for what I do do? My husband and I kept our voices level, as hers went out of control.  When things get out of control, hurtful things are said.  One thing that was mentioned was that we couldn't understand how difficult it is to be without your spouse for a month.  That's laughable after 32 years of marriage.   32 years of marriage also gives us more experience in letting things go.

                I don't remember ever getting a formal apology, but when we were discussing turns with grandma for the weekend, she volunteered to take both Saturday and Sunday.  Her repentance.  This was greatly appreciated as she was not only stuck doing things for her OCD grandmother, but also getting grandpa home from rehab (after surgery) and taking care of all his needs as well.  This allowed dad to go to work on Monday morning early and get other things done that had been neglected. 

Her informal apology was accepted and good feelings restored.  The funny thing was when she called me a few weeks later to complain about her brother-in-law.  She quoted him as saying "Why don't you ever notice the things that I DO..."  I laughed and nearly told her how familiar that sounded, but refrained at the last second.