I read
a quote this morning by Quentin L. Cook, a prominent leader of the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints (Mormon).
He said, "...How we disagree is a real measure of who we are and
whether we truly follow the Savior. It
is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. ...If
we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like
Christ."
This
reminded me of another story about my dad.
Several years ago my husband and I made a financial decision to sell
some family stock that had been given to us by my parents. One of our sons had totaled our jeep, and we
had already been needing to buy another car to accommodate all our drivers and
driving needs. Bottom line: We needed to buy two cars. As I mentioned above, we are members of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, and our prophet has asked us to
stay out of debt. We had a
resource--this stock. We didn't even
have to sell all of it, just 20%. This
would give us enough to buy two used cars and give us a little extra to use
with our discretion, so, we did it. We
just didn't understand how deeply my family felt about NOT selling this stock. (
I have to add here, that it was originally my mother's stock, she passed away
in 2004).
For
about a year after we made this "horrendous" decision, we heard about
it. Every time we'd get together with my
sister or my father, this would come up.
Every time this came up, I'd feel terrible. I finally sent my dad an email. In the email I told my dad that no matter
what his opinion was on the subject, no matter how we felt about our decision,
right or wrong, it had been made an it was over. The stock was gone. There was nothing anyone could do to change
that. We may have not made the best
decision, but we made the best decision we could make at the time, and we made
it based on our desire to follow the counsel of our prophet to stay out of
debt. I asked him if he could let the
matter go, as nothing could change what had already been done.
My dad
moped for a week. I guess he was hurt
by my admission that he was hurting me.
However, once the request had been processed and internalized, to my
dad's credit, he has never brought this subject up again. Good feelings were restored.
I guess
there's a couple of points to be made here.
One, we had a disagreement, but until he really knew my feelings nothing
could change. We had to discuss it
(email was a chicken way to do it, but it turned out to be effective). When he knew my feelings, there were a few
emotions involved, but he was mature enough to process what I'd said to him and
then take action. Relationships are so
important. I have others who I interact
with who have never learned to do what my dad was able to do, which was
basically, move on. In some of my
relationships I've had to accept that things will never change, that problems
can't be talked about because it's too damaging to the relationship. The problem here is that these relationships
will never be very good.
When we
disagree or have different viewpoints from others, it's best to be respectful
of each other, hear each other's views, and then do as Quentin Cook asks us to
do--love and respect the other person and strive to be like the Savior in the
way we handle the issue. It would be
good to think about this in our dealings with everyone, whether the disagreement
be a family issue, a religious issue, or maybe appropriate to today, a
political one.
